Dilemma ...as usual!!

I know i had been missing for the whole month. If you think I'm busy with work, I'm not. Not working for the past whole month and not even a single penny dropping into the pocket. Have been so frustated. If it's not becoz of it's a temporary jobs I wouldn't have accept it. After all this years, I still can't convince myself to do commercials as my living. I don't like the way the Agency's control all, telling you what to do by the fact that they don't know what should be done. Still prefer to be doing TV programmes or documentary where I can learn the cultures and lifes of the people around me. I find myself always in a thirst for various kind of knowledge. Don't know whether this is good or not for me as some will say I'm not focus. Don't know why, it's just I'll be curious over anything that I doesn't know and hope that I can know it in deep. But sometimes when I sit down and think, should I continue to be like that or should I just pick something up and focus in it? Now I'm in dilemma, should I do Commercials for the sake of the money or should I go back to TV for the sake of satisfaction?